Sunday, February 21, 2010


I'm sitting here watching TV and feeling mopey.  I was hanging out on the WTE forums, just cruising and I happened to look at a mom's signature that talked about breastfeeding.  For some reason all of my sadness about not being able to successfully BF Akiha came flooding back.  I stopped pumping when she was almost 7 weeks old ... she's 4 months today, I can't believe I still have those sad emotions.

Akiha is very healthy.  She is growing well, gaining well (not gaining too much either) ... she's alert, smart, learning, meeting her milestones, etc.  I know that I'm doing well by her and that I'm a good mother to her, but it still just hurts I guess.  I had intended to BF until she was 18 months if she'd have let me (right up until we wanted to try for a second child pretty much), instead she never wanted to latch without a shield and my supply was just a mess.  We worked so hard with each other, with a LC .. and I pumped exclusively for her for a few weeks, but it just was insane schedule wise, so I had to quit.

I very much intend on trying to BF my next child and I am very hopful that it will work out.  I have no idea how my emotions will react if I am successful, since I wasn't able to give that to Akiha.  Or for that matter, how I would react if it didn't work again.

I'm sure someday the emotions will fade and for the most part they are not there ... but I guess today for some reason it is bothering me.  I just have to remember that my little baby is happy and healthy and loves me to death ... and as a mom, there is little more I could need.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Mommy Training

I've come to realize something this last week while I've been working with Akiha on her eating and sleeping habits.  It is NOT about training my little 12 week old to eat more reasonably or to sleep more.  In fact, it doesn't have all the much to do with her at all.  The more I try to work on things the more I realize it is about training myself to help provide her with structure and a routine.

We've been really struggling with her only wanting to eat 2-3 oz at a feeding and wanting to eat every 1.5-3 hours depending with no rhyme or reason at all.  We've also been dealing with new found fussiness while eating and some gassiness.  We are currently on a bottle experiment - trying different options.  Hopefully something will work soon there!

At this same time we've been working on transitioning our little angel to her own room and crib at night.  So far we've tried two nights.  The first night was pretty much a failure. She went in there at like 9:30 and woke up every hour until 1, when I finally said ENOUGH! and just brought her in with us.  Last night went a little better. It took us awhile to get her wound down - she didn't go down until 11, but she only woke up at 2, 4, and then 6.  While that is an extra wake up (normally I would only expect 4 and then 6) it wasn't bad.  But obviously, I don't really want her up until 11 and then up that many times.

So today my hubby and I went rounds and rounds about what to do.  I started back to work last week and Akiha goes with me.  I LOVE that I can take her to work, but I need her to get into some sort of routine - it almost doesn't matter what the routine is - just something so I can plan my workday around it!  So we decided to try to schedule her a bit more.  We agreed to initially offer her a bottle every two hours and see what she eats.  So far tonight at 5 she ate 3oz, 3oz again at 7, and then just now at 9 she ate 4.5 oz.  We are also limiting the amount of time we try to feed her.  She gets 1/2 hour to eat and then she is done (unless of course, she is actively eating at the 1/2 hour mark).  Her dawdling and eating for 5 minutes every twenty minutes for an hour is not going to work anymore.

Eventually, over the next couple weeks we will try to stretch out her feedings and get her to eat more at once and of course, I will never wake her to feed her (I've learned that lesson recently), but obviously we can improve things. So far it has worked like a charm and it has allowed me to see a way to help her with a bedtime routine.  She ate at 7, snuggled with her daddy for awhile, and then a 8 we did her bath.  After bath was massage with lavender baby oil and get dressed in our pjs and swaddle blanket.  By then it was bottle time.  Now she is falling asleep in my arms.  At this rate I"ll have her in her crib by 9:45 ...

I think I needed to be more disciplined ... I needed to take some more responsibility in getting my daughter into some sort of routine - rather than just hope and pray that she would do it alone.  I'm not about letting her go hungry or anything like that, but I am going to work with her and get things squared away a little better for us all!