I'm sitting here watching TV and feeling mopey. I was hanging out on the WTE forums, just cruising and I happened to look at a mom's signature that talked about breastfeeding. For some reason all of my sadness about not being able to successfully BF Akiha came flooding back. I stopped pumping when she was almost 7 weeks old ... she's 4 months today, I can't believe I still have those sad emotions.
Akiha is very healthy. She is growing well, gaining well (not gaining too much either) ... she's alert, smart, learning, meeting her milestones, etc. I know that I'm doing well by her and that I'm a good mother to her, but it still just hurts I guess. I had intended to BF until she was 18 months if she'd have let me (right up until we wanted to try for a second child pretty much), instead she never wanted to latch without a shield and my supply was just a mess. We worked so hard with each other, with a LC .. and I pumped exclusively for her for a few weeks, but it just was insane schedule wise, so I had to quit.
I very much intend on trying to BF my next child and I am very hopful that it will work out. I have no idea how my emotions will react if I am successful, since I wasn't able to give that to Akiha. Or for that matter, how I would react if it didn't work again.
I'm sure someday the emotions will fade and for the most part they are not there ... but I guess today for some reason it is bothering me. I just have to remember that my little baby is happy and healthy and loves me to death ... and as a mom, there is little more I could need.